Guilt

Guilt is a powerful emotion, it can drive us to feel responsible for something we are not; it can haunt us when we did something wrong, and we knew it was so while we did it. People will use it against our personal nature to transfer their guilt onto us when they haven't done their job, or assumed their responsibility.  I have guilt about my time in uniform, should have done more while I could; and there are days that I hate every day I'm no longer in uniform.  But mostly, I feel guilty because I can't help my friends because I didn't go out with them and experience the things they did, and I'm not in proximity to them now.

I have a friend who has gone through a bad spot the last couple of weeks.  We were soldiers together, but he's a veteran.  By friend, I don't mean some guy I talk to everyday at work and office socials; I mean kids grew up next door, weekly suppers, worked with, best man at my wedding sort of friend.  I found out how bad things were going for him when his wife came out on work.  I felt I should call, but didn't know how start the conversation.  I should be able to, we're like brothers; closer in some cases.  Then the Facebook post thanking everyone for the help, they knew who they were.  I knew this wasn't directed at me, he hadn't asked for my help. When I had reached out, he hadn't responded.  I thought we were close.

Then I had a dream, so lucid and real it could have been real life.  I was walking through a dead forest when I came across my friend and we started talking; in the course of the conversation, I asked my friend why he didn't ask for my help, we're close as brothers.  He said to me "I don't need your help".  When I woke up, I was in fits; we've seen each other through marriages and divorce, kids growing up, houses falling apart, and talking over the fence.  

I got to talk to my friend last night, and in the course of our conversation, it dawned on me; it wasn't he didn't need help, it was "I don't need YOUR help" because I didn't have any help to offer.  I had no exposure to what had caused or revealed his problem, I could offer no solace.  I'm glad he had access to other vets to help and the strength to ask.  As for me, dreams and introspection can do wonders for our well-being.  I also realized guilt doesn't have to be a millstone around your neck, keeping you from everything you deserve to attain.

Sidebar - Veterans are everywhere in our society these days - boardrooms to lecture halls, school yards to brick yards, cops on the street to 'mommy and me' groups.  We don't offer them enough credit for what they've done because we have now idea what they've experienced.  Veterans shouldn't just be remembered on Veterans Day, Memorial Day, or Remembrance Day, but everyday.

I don’t care if this gets shares, comments, or follows.  Thank a vet every opportunity you have.

HPG, Thank you.