Recently, my two children had the chance to take the ice on an NHL rink, as part of a learn-to-skate program through the local community centre. It wasn't as big a do as it was built up to be but still pretty cool. But in the excitement, my oldest had asked if she could go, too. The problem was my wife didn't think to investigate whether it was possible; she had her mind on other things, like a girls weekend away with one of her oldest friends. she assumed the information provided, from a consistently unreliable source, was accurate.
So, I was left trying to keep my teenager from losing her mind, this was all she had been talking about for weeks. I told her I would see if it was possible, but not to get her hopes up. When we arrived, it was just program participants and coaches. The "and family" portion of the invitation was to sit in the stands. Into the stands we went, and to my surprise my teenager didn't say a thing; not one word. If any of you have a teenager, you will appreciate the significance. How do you reward and reinforce that attitude - the dealing with expectation, anticipating the opportunity to lace up, only to be disappointed? Should I take her out for a Daddy-Daughter date? Send her to the movies for a day by herself because she demonstrated a level of maturity I hadn't expected?
Simply - you don't.
Far too many parents, in my opinion, insist on giving their kids "more than we had". That's a bullshit attitude and the source of the sense of entitlement so many youth have today. Here's a cookie for eating your supper; don't throw a tantrum in the store while Mommy is shopping and you get a toy. Working behind the counter at McDonald's, delivering papers, or pump gas for the summer is beneath them, but want the "Jersey Shore" lifestyle. Kids living in mom and dad's basement into their late 20's not knowing what they want to do with their lives because they haven't found themselves. Here's an idea get a job, any job, you'll find out what you don't want to do for the rest of your life REAL QUICK. "We" had plenty growing up and our parents tried to do the same for us. Don't get me wrong, my parents helped me if they could, but for the most part I had to figure things out for myself.
My teenager gets paid to babysit (and she's in demand around the neighbourhood) and all my kids get an allowance, based on their age, are expected to do chores around the house because they contribute to the mess, and a "performance bonus" for getting A's on their report card. Why? To teach them to be responsible for earning their money, how to save for what they want, and to teach them that rewards and success come to those who work for it.
It's time we stop treating our kids like delicate china dolls, and start treating them like they're people. Learning to deal with disappointment is part of growing up, handing them responsibility at a young age not only teaches them a work ethic, but also allows them to take pride on the work they do. If you want your children to develop into strong, independent-thinking citizens, be a parent and start teaching them to be so.
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