Vaccinating your kids against Affluenza

Recently, my two children had the chance to take the ice on an NHL rink, as part of a learn-to-skate program through the local community centre.  It wasn't as big a do as it was built up to be but still pretty cool.  But in the excitement, my oldest had asked if she could go, too. The problem was my wife didn't think to investigate whether it was possible; she had her mind on other things, like a girls weekend away with one of her oldest friends.  she assumed the information  provided, from a consistently unreliable source, was accurate.

So, I was left trying to keep my teenager from losing her mind, this was all she had been talking about for weeks. I told her I would see if it was possible, but not to get her hopes up.  When we arrived, it was just program participants and coaches.  The "and family" portion of the invitation was to sit in the stands.  Into the stands we went, and to my surprise my teenager didn't say a thing; not one word.  If any of you have a teenager, you will appreciate the significance.  How do you reward and reinforce that attitude - the dealing with expectation, anticipating the opportunity to lace up, only to be disappointed?  Should I take her out for a Daddy-Daughter date?  Send her to the movies for a day by herself because she demonstrated a level of maturity I hadn't expected?

Simply - you don't.

Far too many parents, in my opinion, insist on giving their kids "more than we had".  That's a bullshit attitude and the source of the sense of entitlement so many youth have today.  Here's a cookie for  eating your supper; don't throw a tantrum in the store while Mommy is shopping and you get a toy.  Working behind the counter at McDonald's, delivering papers, or pump gas for the summer is beneath them, but want the "Jersey Shore" lifestyle.  Kids living in mom and dad's basement into their late 20's not knowing what they want to do with their lives because they haven't found themselves.  Here's an idea get a job, any job, you'll find out what you don't want to do for the rest of your life REAL QUICK.  "We" had plenty growing up and our parents tried to do the same for us.  Don't get me wrong, my parents helped me if they could, but for the most part I had to figure things out for myself.

My teenager gets paid to babysit (and she's in demand around the neighbourhood) and all my kids get an allowance, based on their age, are expected to do chores around the house because they contribute to the mess, and a "performance bonus" for getting A's on their report card.  Why?  To teach them to be responsible for earning their money, how to save for what they want, and to teach them that rewards and success come to those who work for it.

It's time we stop treating our kids like delicate china dolls, and start treating them like they're people.  Learning to deal with disappointment is part of growing up, handing them responsibility at a young age not only teaches them a work ethic, but also allows them to take pride on the work they do.  If you want your children to develop into strong, independent-thinking citizens, be a parent and start teaching them to be so.

A to Z Well-being (personal philosophy): Time

Time (n) – The indefinite continued progress of existence and events in

       the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.

           Time and money are the two things everyone wants more of. The distribution of wealth will never be equal, but time is the one commodity that everyone has the same daily allotment of, and probably the most squandered resource of all and how we use it is up to us.  While catching up on posts on “The Art of Manliness” (a blog, as a reader, I strongly recommend to men, young and young at heart), I recently read a pamphlet from 1910 called "How to Live on 24 Hours a Day".  I think it's a stretch to call it a philosophical text, but it will certainly give you pause to think about how you use your time away from the house, and upon your return.  

            Take my case: I’m to bed between 10 and 10:30 pm; awake at 5:30 am and spend the next 60 to 90 minutes in my morning routine (exercise, bathing, dressing eating, etc,) to be at work 8-4, commuting 45 minutes each way, sometimes wait for my wife to catch up (about 15 mins after work) and head home for the evening.  My wife and I used to drive to work every day.  It used to be our time to talk about nothing at all.  At the end of my day, I would take the reverse route, getting ramped up because I was trapped in rush hour traffic, coming and going.  If my wife got held up when I came to pick her up, I would get wound up even more.  The worst part was paying $80 a month to leave my car parked outside 40 hours a week (I could have done that without leaving my own driveway), discounting the extra cost of gas and maintenance.  

            We've changed the way we do things.  Today, I still spend about 45 minutes going to and from work each day. Now it’s on the bus.  It gives me time to think on various topics, or spend time strengthening relationships with my neighbours on the same commute and, more importantly, it gives me time to separate work from home life; either gear up for the work day or decompress.  Things have improved dramatically.  Now, I get home, free of stress and able to spend time with my kids before supper, help them with their language studies or school projects and am at the table for supper ready to discuss their day.  That 45 minutes, each way, is the equivalent of a gained day during my work week from using ‘wasted time’.  I found it has even caused the time the television is turned on to be pushed back later in the evening, and often, only to get the full media coverage of something I saw on social media.  I'm spending more time researching, thinking and ruminating topics I want to be clearer on.

Don’t get me wrong, I think there is a time and place when you need to plug in and stop thinking for a short period of time.  For me, it’s like those Magic Eye pictures; when I remove my focus on a problem, the solution reveals itself.   Whatever works for you, the key is to not allow it to become distraction; set a time limit and stick to it. Sometimes, all it takes is doing a mindless chore, like shovelling snow or washing supper dishes  

          I now take every opportunity, when there is a lull at work or home to study something.  Whether studying methods of improving work processes, working on courses required by my employer, or even following, and further researching, a topic of interest, in print or digital.  I used to listen to music or the radio, now it seems I always have a podcast playing, of whatever topic I happen to find interesting at the time.  And I am amazed how often other people around the office start work-related conversation then wander off topic and start socializing; only to complain about being short on time to get projects completed.  I admit I'm no saint when it comes to social conversation around the office, but I could pack a weeks’ worth of my socializing into the time some people spend socializing daily.

            I even had a friend tell me the best advice he ever got about time management as a university student – treat it like a job; show up at 8 and work until 4, regardless of the classes scheduled.  Wish I had had someone tell me that when I was a student 20 years ago.

            The opposite is also true.  In my job, work ebbs and flows.  At year end, there is barely enough for one person to keep active, let alone busy.  At the height of our production, however, there is almost too much for two people to handle.  Breaks are scheduled for a reason; to allow you the time to regroup and refresh - take them!  They will help you keep your work stress at a manageable level and able to leave it behind at the end of the day, so you can enjoy your time with your family.

           Complaining about petty things because you have nothing to occupy your mind is a thief of time and effort.  Make use of your 'wasted time' (commuting, standing in line, or waiting on some task), to maximize your life: think on things; listen to a podcast you've downloaded; practice a skill in order to get your next promotion, prepare an application to a job you desire. Develop temporal leverage.  Separate the stress of one aspect of your life from another; it will make it easier to deal with in small pieces.  Filling the voids in your schedule is like filling potholes in the road; it makes it a whole lot easier to get where you want.

How will you spend your time today?